Sometimes I wish I was a self-absorbed asshole like so many that I know. It sure would make my life a whole lot easier!
Last week I finally felt as though I could breathe. I made a few phone calls and hope had been restored. Freedom was tangible. I experienced a sense of peace and joy that I’ve not felt in quite some time. Then the inevitable happened…compassion. Ugh!
I’m not exactly a dumb ass because intellectually I’m quite aware of what’s going on. Try that same logic with my heart–unresponsive! How can I continue with my plan for freedom, permanent escape from the stressor, a life free of bullshit when all of a sudden the
ass-munch husband wants to start acting as if he cares. Aww… so sweet of him to bring me home flowers, drown me with apologies, and pretend that he cares what I have to say, huh? It’s sickening! As I am writing this, my “normal” response system is actually working… and building with each word typed. I’m pissed–fury that I can hardly contain.
And, what the hell are men thinking when they’re over it that we should all of sudden be also? NO! And then further to try hug or kiss me. WTF? It seriously makes me cringe! I’ve learned to play the game to avoid fighting. There’s nothing left worth fighting for. I can fake “okay” just as well as Meg Ryan can fake an orgasm. What woman does that anyway? If I’m unsatisfied, you’ll know it! Sorry ’bout that, went astray for a second.
Note to self: Exhale. Continue with plan. Quit feeling sorry for him and feel something, anything, for yourself! Any time you find yourself reverting back, RE-READ THIS!
Who ever said blogging couldn’t be therapeutic? 🙂