It’s More Than Just Hair

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It’s my responsibility as a parent to raise my children in a way that they will be independent, respectful, and a productive part of society. 99.9% of the time, this makes me the “bad guy”. I know that everybody has their own parenting style, but if it’s stupid, I’m going to call you on it. I see a society of children today that lack ambition and are just plain lazy. A sad generation to say the least.

All of my children are different and I treat them accordingly. I don’t play favorites–that I hate very much! I will help them if they need it and I will push them when they need it. I help them realize their potential to boost them to the next level. Not everybody is born with obvious “God-given” talents, but everybody can still be great at something if they put in the required work. You’ll never be anything as long as you tell yourself that. And to tell a child to settle for mediocracy is ridiculous in my eyes.

Last night I was going through the list asking my 13-year-old if she had everything ready for her volleyball pictures that will be taken today. It was yes, yes, yes, until I asked about her hair. I wanted to know how she was going to fix her hair. It really didn’t matter to me how she decided to wear it for the pictures–I just wanted to know. She said she wanted to curl it and wear it down. Her pathetic helpless whining soon started in. I won’t tolerate attitude and I also will not allow my children to say “I can’t”. So, the fight’s on. Not so much with my daughter, but with my husband.

She wanted to boo hoo around that she couldn’t do it. Listen, if she really couldn’t do it then I would have gladly done it for her. The fact of the matter is that she’s seen it done and has also attempted it herself on occasion. I did even help her a bit by showing her how to section off her hair and whatnot. The point is that if I never make her do it herself, then she’ll never learn. Practice makes perfect. We’ve all heard that expression.

So my husband had to chime in and tell me how horribly mean I was being to her. That really pissed me off! He NEVER says a word when I have to get on to any of the other kids. Just this one. Obvious favoritism if I’ve ever seen it! His answer to her dilemma was for her to just give up and wear it straight. Ding, Ding–it’s on!

You see, it wasn’t just about her hair. That’s petty and trivial. The issue at hand is giving up before really trying. I always have to light a match under her ass to get her moving. I don’t know why she gives up so easy, but I’ll be damned if I’ll allow her to give up on anything that I know she’s fully capable of doing.

The argument quickly escalated to him voicing his idiotic opinions.

Him: I’ll never be able to play like Eric Clapton no matter how hard I try. I’ll never be able to run 4/40 no matter how much I practice. I’ll never be able to throw a 90 mph fast ball. I’ll never be able to sing no matter how many voice lessons I have. Some people are just born with these talents. Blah, blah, blah. (At this point I would have rather been talking to the wall!)

Me: You’re right. You’ll never be able to do anything (because of his outlook/attitude obviously). Also, you don’t strive to be like somebody else because you can NEVER be exactly like somebody else. With hard work, dedication, practice, tenaciousness, etc.–you can be great at what you desire to be.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I do believe that one can achieve anything he sets his mind to. I try to build up my kids, not tear them down. If I see a talent or interest in them, I encourage growth in those areas. I do have enough sense not to give false hope, so don’t get me wrong there. It’s even evident in adults that a worker is more productive when he is praised for his accomplishments rather than criticized for what may be lacking.

WORDS ARE POWERFUL! 

Unfortunate Irony: Remembering Hank

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The story I’m about to tell happened almost five years ago. I find today to be fitting to finally put it in writing.

I was on my way to see my Rheumatologist for a follow-up appointment. She had ran a battery of tests that she called the “million dollar work-up.” I was nervous about the results, so it consumed my mind the entire drive. I was trying to remain positive and began thinking about lucky I was to not have developed diabetes. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy in ’95 and was told that I had a 50/50 chance of developing type II diabetes within 10 years. Although I continued to have glucose intolerance problems with subsequent pregnancies, still no diabetes and I was well out of the 10-year mark.

I got to my appointment and sat down with the doctor, and to my surprise she brought up my fasting glucose level. It was above normal, but barely. I had some Mountain Dew that morning so it wasn’t exactly fasting or completely accurate. My family doctor agreed with me. Thank God!

On my way out I had to schedule another follow-up appointment for, I believe, three months out. That date happened to be September 17th. I quickly agreed paying no mind to the date. I then realized that would have been the one-year anniversary of my father-in-law’s death. I had to change the date. I just couldn’t go on that day.

I was on my way home when traffic began to slow and the two lane highway was merged into one. As I got closer I could see only one Sheriff had arrived thus far and was busy setting up flares. About ten yards ahead was a scene I’ll never forget. It was a gray car crashed into the cement median with a lifeless looking woman slumped over the steering wheel. I absolutely lost it at this point. I understand that the Sheriff had to control traffic, but all I could think about was this woman. I was outraged that nobody was tending to her apparent need. Everything in me wanted to stop and help, but I wasn’t sure of nursing protocol in that scenario, so I kept moving.

I was almost home when I was drawing near my local fire department. At the last second I decided to pull in to get answers regarding this crash that had obviously consumed me. I wanted to know why this woman wasn’t top priority, although, logically, I already knew the answer.

I spoke to a paramedic and was overtaken and a bit outraged by the differences in our jobs. He began to tell me a story that was comparable to what I just witnessed to help me better understand. He didn’t get too far into the story before I realized he was talking about my father-in-law, Hank. Hank had been hit head on by two cars that were drag racing. There were five kids total in two cars and Hank was alone driving home from work. All the kids survived with minor injuries. Hank, on the other hand, did not. The paramedic was first to arrive on the scene. He said he went to Hank’s car and could tell by the color of his skin that he had suffered major internal damage and would not survive. He didn’t even attempt to revive him. I still to this day cannot fathom not trying to help even when you think all hope is gone.

The irony of that day is still overwhelming to think about. Today marks 5-years that Hank’s been gone. I’m still very saddened by his loss, but so grateful for the memories that remain.

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I’m Afraid He’s Right

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SP_287881_HO_LANGEMy ex always told me that nobody will want a woman that’s been divorced twice and has four kids. As much as I hate to admit it, I think he’s right. Or, at least, partially right.

I know what I want in mate. Typically, these traits that I desire are only found in older men. And when it comes to older men, the last thing they want in their life is the burden of children. I can understand this. As crazy as it may sound, I don’t want to be burdened with someone else’s children. Believe me, I know how horrible that sounds!

So do I just take what I can get for the sake of not being lonely? That’s been my history. I really don’t want to repeat my history! Or, do I learn to be content with only my children by my side for the next decade?

It’s mostly adult interaction that I crave and sometimes intimacy. By intimacy, I don’t mean just sex. Rather, someone to just hold me. Through that touch I want to feel genuine love, trust, and security. I have my ups and downs as we all do, but I know I’m strong enough to wait however long it takes for the right person.

A Losing Fight

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I can’t do this anymore

I am tired beyond measure

I am hurt beyond belief

I can no longer fight a losing battle

The fire I once had was scorched long ago

Who was I to think I could rise above it all?

My life is predestined–a loser I’ll always be

I’m waving the flag–now please leave me be

It’s a dog eat dog world

I was naive to think that anybody would ever really care

What I wouldn’t do for just one moment in time

To be held in the arms by someone who’d never let me down

I know that’ll never happen

My tears will continue to fall

Til I take my last breath

Misery will consume me because people always fail

Pick something and stick with it!

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Bishop T. D. Jakes posed the question recently on social media: “If you could do anything and not fail, what would it be?”. I’m not sure if he was looking for answers like “To go to heaven”, “To be a Saint”, “To be an Evangelist”; but, without giving a second thought my answer was “To be a doctor”. As crazy as it may seem, I’ve wanted to become a doctor since the age of four and that desire has never changed. What has changed is my perspective.

I married very young (for reasons I don’t regret) and immediately started a family. So at the beginning of my adult life I had self-imposed limitations. I didn’t realize the restrictions I had placed on my life would bring me to where I am today–Mid-Life Crises! I have continually battled settling for less than I am. I can give every logical excuse in the world for my decisions, but the fact of the matter is, I will never be happy seeking to be something/someone who I’m not. This is where the title of this post comes in to play.

I’ve had numerous people say this to me over the past few years and the most recent was just yesterday. I was at a family reunion and my grandmother said to me, in front of others mind you, “I wish you’d just pick something and stick with it”. I’ll admit, it pissed me off! There’s nothing worse than being critiqued by others when all the while you’ve been your own worst critic. I just want to scream to the world with every fiber of my being that I am NOT complacent, I still have an abundance of potential, and all I need is S-O-M-E-O-N-E THAT C-A-R-E-S ENOUGH TO H-E-L-P!!! I am beyond the prideful stage of striving to be so independent that I wouldn’t dare ask or accept help. Been there, done that, learned from it. Everybody needs help now and then and there’s no shame in admitting it or asking for it. The problem now lies with compassion of humanity… or lack there of.

Just to be clear, I am not asking for handouts or expecting someone to come in and do everything for me. When I speak of needing help in different areas of my life, I mean help in the truest sense of the word. 

And Then God Made. . .

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God made man. Man was lacking. Then God made woman to complement man–big problem here.

Seriously folks. Don’t you ever wonder what in the world God could have been thinking when He made men and women to be compatible? Men, for the most part, are very simple beings. Sometimes too simple. Then women on the other hand have been infused with everything suitable to be fit for a dozen people. See the problem? We don’t complement each other, we irritate each other.

We don’t understand each other. This has been the problem from the beginning of time. And unless you are a very patient and caring person and meet a person with those same attributes, it’ll never work. Men and women will always butt heads.

Men: If you think that all beautiful women are with “average” looking men only for their money or fame–you are so very wrong. Granted, there are some women like that, but not the majority. Women need a man who can engage in meaningful conversation–an intellectual listener. I would choose a mediocre looking man who can stimulate my mind any day over a good-looking, arrogant man! 

Pet Peeves: A Never-Ending List

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Who the fuck can talk like this?

Holy Mother of God. I swear I’m about to lose it! I don’t know if it’s the mound of stress I’m under or that this is simply annoying as hell.

I can always tell when my brother wants something well before he ever musters up the courage to ask. Same routine. Every. Fucking. Time. He’ll walk aimlessly throughout the house for a while. Then, he’ll sit down and sigh or clear his throat. He also gets very fidgety. Finally comes the yawn and ask. I swear to God he cannot ask me anything without yawning while speaking. This only happens when he wants something though.

I’ve tried to nonchalantly bring this to his attention by saying “I cannot understand you while you’re yawning.” He didn’t get the hint. Sigh. I don’t want to be a bitch rude because, well, he is my brother and all. However, extreme circumstances call for extreme measures.

Maybe I could say “Dude! What do you want? (although 99% of the time I already know what he’s going to ask) And PLEASE don’t yawn while asking!” Eh, I don’t know. Until next time, I suppose.

Hiding in Plain Sight

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i.can.see.through.youYou’re like a Dr. Seuss book with a Poe cover

Doin’ all you can to maintain your front

Lyin’, Tryin’, Buyin’ into the stereotype

You’re only foolin’ yourself with all that hype

Take off the mask and bring down the shield

Open your heart for the world to be revealed

What’s the worst that could happen

Maybe, just maybe, your heart’s desire be fulfilled

Forever Changed

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**Originally published June 12, 2013- My very first post**

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You said you were sorry, but you did it again

Not once, not twice, but more times than I can count

Every sip you took intoxicated my brain

Down a drink, down a bottle—what’s it matter?

Your temporary fix changed me forever

Life as I knew it will never be the same

No apology, forgiveness, or therapy can erase these dreadful memories

Everyone is a predator—alcohol the enemy

Daughters I’ve been blessed with…or a curse it may be

Confined to the house or within my sight

Because even the most trustworthy can surprise you, Right?

In my mind is a living hell

I know my thoughts are irrational

But I wear a mask and wear it well

Not like yours though, let’s not get confused

Protector I am—rooted by fear

Preaching forgiveness is done in vain

Although I’ve tried, I still hate you anyway

You’ve never been sorry—never changed your ways

What was so horrible in your childhood to make you this way?

Since I’m being honest

Pouring out my heart from its very core

I may fight daily demons

But it’s you I feel most sorry for

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“Out Of Reach”-Matthew Perryman Jones

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You’re always bound to fall
there’s nothing you can do
the weight of gravity begins
to pull you down again
so what are you to do now?
stuck between the hope and doubt
you get so close to clarity
makes you question everything

You’re so far away
so far away from me
Is it starting to break
underneath my feet
You’re so far away
Am I just out of reach?

We keep talking in circles
staring out with empty eyes
wanting to be known again
but so afraid of letting in
so do i leave it all to history?
will you ever answer me ?
do you still recognize my voice
or is it lost among the noise

You’re so far away
so far away from me
Is it starting to break
underneath my feet
You’re so far away
Am I just out of reach?

While the world unravels
we’re kicking at shadows
and everyone around us
is making up chaos
oh, I cannot find you
I’m walking like I’m blinded
am I saying anything at all?

You’re so far away
so far away from me
Is it starting to break
underneath my feet
Is it set in stone
could someone tell me please?
Am I all alone?
Am I just out of reach?

“Nowhere Man”- The Beatles

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Even in your darkest days, there is hope. Don’t give up!

“Nowhere Man”

He’s a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Doesn’t have a point of view
Knows not where he’s going to
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man, please listen
You don’t know what you’re missing
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command

He’s as blind as he can be
Just sees what he wants to see
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?

Nowhere Man, don’t worry
Take your time, don’t hurry
Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand

Doesn’t have a point of view
Knows not where he’s going to
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man, please listen
You don’t know what you’re missing
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command

He’s a real Nowhere Man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Never Negotiate With Fear Or Mediocity

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This is an article that I found at http://www.ziglar.com/sales/never-negotiate-fear-or-mediocrity. This is a must read for all- not just salespeople. 

If you negotiate with fear you will lose. You must also know that Doubt and Uncertainty are the appetizers of fear. Your mind feeds off of them until you become full of fear. If you allow fear to enter your thoughts, the thing that you fear will grow until it eventually owns your thoughts. Once your thoughts are owned, your actions are owned.

 

Fear is paralyzing.

 

Fear is probably the number one killer of dreams. Why? Because fear prevents action!

 

Regarding mediocrity, it is like a vacuum. It sucks you in and holds you there.

 

Get my point about fear and mediocrity? This is serious business!

 

“Doubt and Uncertainty are the appetizers of fear. Your mind feeds off of them until you become full of fear.” – Mike Rodriguez

 

Now here is the great news: You do not have to accept fear. It is your choice. Look at it this way: Fear is actually your very own brain, hyper thinking about the things that you are worrying about and creating potential situations and their possible outcomes, all of which usually NEVER HAPPEN! That’s right. Studies have shown that most things that we are afraid of or worry about never happen.

 

Franklin D. Roosevelt (FDR) said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” When I was younger I didn’t understand this quote and would say things to myself like, “Well he doesn’t know my situation.” I can tell you from personal experience that probably 99.99% of the things that I have worried about in my life have never come true.

 

When it comes to sales, it’s easy to doubt yourself and your abilities. It’s easy to fear cold calling, fear rejection, a big sales call or maybe even making a presentation. You might even fear success.

 

You must get to the point that you choose to think positive and healthy thoughts. Thoughts that are empowering. The kind that drive your mind to act and to do. Thoughts that remind you of your goals, your purpose and your passions. You must think of the end result and you must visualize your own success. You must believe in yourself and face the thing or things that you fear the most.

 

As you face your fears, you will defeat your fears.

 

Your fears then strengthen you and you become stronger and more confident. Fear can be paralyzing or fear can be controlled.

 

You can and must overcome your fears to help you become a better you and an exceptional salesperson.

 

Love Quotes

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16 Uplifting Quotes About Love And Happiness!

~Jeff Moore~ My Everyday Power (click the link and check out his site!)

Uplifting quotes? Quotes about love? We got em both! Whether we are looking for uplifting quotes or quotes about love; we are looking for the language to feel great about the worlds strongest emotion. We all have different driving emotions. We all have different feelings that push or pull us, all the time. One that is constant is love. Without love there is nothing. Without this invisible force people don’t move, create and even procreate! As a good friend once told me, there is no opposite to love, there is only an absence of. Enjoy these 15 quotes about love!

 

16 Uplifting Quotes About Love and Happiness!

1. Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’ -Erich Fromm

2. Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. -Mother Teresa

3. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. -Ann Landers

4. Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

5. Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. -Oscar Wilde

6. Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own. -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

7. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu

8. A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. -Max Muller

9. Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. -Jim Morrison

10. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. -Aristotle

11. Where there is love there is life. -Mahatma Gandhi

12. A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. -Ingrid Bergman

13. Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you. -Loretta Young

14. I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death. -Robert Fulghum

15. We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving. -Friedrich Nietzsche

16. The first duty of love is to listen. -Paul Tillich

 

Put A Sock In It Already!

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shut_up_018You know it’s bad when you’re getting on your own damn nerves because you speak or type almost anything that pops into your crazy effin head! I seriously need a silencer. A buzzer would be nice. A very loud buzzer to blast into my ear drums to stop me from making a fool of myself.

Why are you so open, you ask? I don’t have a freakin’ clue! I’m a shameless open book to the entire world. I have WAY too much free time on my hands to just think about stuff. . . the past, the present, and the future. That’s all I do is just think, think, think. Normally, here would be the point at which I would explain to you why I have so much free time and go into great detail. I’m refraining from that. I’ve got to get a grip–NOW!

*Note to self: Bottle that shit up, throw it away, and get on with your life!

put_a_sock_in_it__bella_jade__by_bellajade-d63a8wfI Originally published February 28, 2014

 

“Impossible is …

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MW's blog's avatarMetrowoman

“Impossible is Nothing,” it said. “Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” Muhammed Ali

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Hot or Not?

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Note: This was my 2nd post ever on this blog, so obviously I didn’t get the responses/participation that I was expecting.

 **Originally posted on June 14, 2013**

Of course I have my own opinion(s) that I will share, but first I’d like to get

some poll results and even a few comments before I continue with my thoughts.

The picture above is not of my body, but the resemblance is uncanny. Unfortunately, my stretch marks are not limited to my mid-section. I have them in places that I didn’t even know was possible because I had never seen anyone with stretch marks where I have them. I have them on my breasts (which isn’t that uncommon), entire back of thighs, and inner thighs extending down behind my knees and onto my calves. This is all the result of going from 120 lbs to 189 lbs in my first pregnancy. I had serious complications that caused the major swelling and weight gain, but that’s not pertinent to this post.

The point of this post is for women to fess up and tell the truth. Hopefully, in turn, men will gain some insight and not be so damn superficial. The only difference between now and 18 years ago is that I’ve learned to accept them. For the first few years after giving birth, I wouldn’t even wear shorts because I was so self-conscious of the scars that remained to be purple in color. It also didn’t help that my husband laughed and made jokes saying that my body looked like a road map. Women are very sensitive when it comes to their bodies and men need to be mindful of this. By the same token, women need to be honest and quit saying that they’re happy being overweight, love their stretch marks, or whatever else that clearly bothers them.  C’mon ladies! Change the things that can be changed and learn to accept that which cannot.

Final thoughts: “Tiger stripes” are not in the least bit attractive and should not be flaunted like some badge of honor.

This picture (to me) depicts one common ideology that speaks to men and women alike: Stretch marks obtained during pregnancy is a more common occurrence than not. Learn to accept them because you’re not alone.

Also remember that the beautiful women we idolize are all photoshopped; but, never let that be an excuse to not be the best you.