It’s More Than Just Hair

It’s my responsibility as a parent to raise my children in a way that they will be independent, respectful, and a productive part of society. 99.9% of the time, this makes me the “bad guy”. I know that everybody has their own parenting style, but if it’s stupid, I’m going to call you on it. I see a society of children today that lack ambition and are just plain lazy. A sad generation to say the least.

All of my children are different and I treat them accordingly. I don’t play favorites–that I hate very much! I will help them if they need it and I will push them when they need it. I help them realize their potential to boost them to the next level. Not everybody is born with obvious “God-given” talents, but everybody can still be great at something if they put in the required work. You’ll never be anything as long as you tell yourself that. And to tell a child to settle for mediocracy is ridiculous in my eyes.

Last night I was going through the list asking my 13-year-old if she had everything ready for her volleyball pictures that will be taken today. It was yes, yes, yes, until I asked about her hair. I wanted to know how she was going to fix her hair. It really didn’t matter to me how she decided to wear it for the pictures–I just wanted to know. She said she wanted to curl it and wear it down. Her pathetic helpless whining soon started in. I won’t tolerate attitude and I also will not allow my children to say “I can’t”. So, the fight’s on. Not so much with my daughter, but with my husband.

She wanted to boo hoo around that she couldn’t do it. Listen, if she really couldn’t do it then I would have gladly done it for her. The fact of the matter is that she’s seen it done and has also attempted it herself on occasion. I did even help her a bit by showing her how to section off her hair and whatnot. The point is that if I never make her do it herself, then she’ll never learn. Practice makes perfect. We’ve all heard that expression.

So my husband had to chime in and tell me how horribly mean I was being to her. That really pissed me off! He NEVER says a word when I have to get on to any of the other kids. Just this one. Obvious favoritism if I’ve ever seen it! His answer to her dilemma was for her to just give up and wear it straight. Ding, Ding–it’s on!

You see, it wasn’t just about her hair. That’s petty and trivial. The issue at hand is giving up before really trying. I always have to light a match under her ass to get her moving. I don’t know why she gives up so easy, but I’ll be damned if I’ll allow her to give up on anything that I know she’s fully capable of doing.

The argument quickly escalated to him voicing his idiotic opinions.

Him: I’ll never be able to play like Eric Clapton no matter how hard I try. I’ll never be able to run 4/40 no matter how much I practice. I’ll never be able to throw a 90 mph fast ball. I’ll never be able to sing no matter how many voice lessons I have. Some people are just born with these talents. Blah, blah, blah. (At this point I would have rather been talking to the wall!)

Me: You’re right. You’ll never be able to do anything (because of his outlook/attitude obviously). Also, you don’t strive to be like somebody else because you can NEVER be exactly like somebody else. With hard work, dedication, practice, tenaciousness, etc.–you can be great at what you desire to be.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I do believe that one can achieve anything he sets his mind to. I try to build up my kids, not tear them down. If I see a talent or interest in them, I encourage growth in those areas. I do have enough sense not to give false hope, so don’t get me wrong there. It’s even evident in adults that a worker is more productive when he is praised for his accomplishments rather than criticized for what may be lacking.


Unfortunate Irony: Remembering Hank


The story I’m about to tell happened almost five years ago. I find today to be fitting to finally put it in writing.

I was on my way to see my Rheumatologist for a follow-up appointment. She had ran a battery of tests that she called the “million dollar work-up.” I was nervous about the results, so it consumed my mind the entire drive. I was trying to remain positive and began thinking about lucky I was to not have developed diabetes. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy in ’95 and was told that I had a 50/50 chance of developing type II diabetes within 10 years. Although I continued to have glucose intolerance problems with subsequent pregnancies, still no diabetes and I was well out of the 10-year mark.

I got to my appointment and sat down with the doctor, and to my surprise she brought up my fasting glucose level. It was above normal, but barely. I had some Mountain Dew that morning so it wasn’t exactly fasting or completely accurate. My family doctor agreed with me. Thank God!

On my way out I had to schedule another follow-up appointment for, I believe, three months out. That date happened to be September 17th. I quickly agreed paying no mind to the date. I then realized that would have been the one-year anniversary of my father-in-law’s death. I had to change the date. I just couldn’t go on that day.

I was on my way home when traffic began to slow and the two lane highway was merged into one. As I got closer I could see only one Sheriff had arrived thus far and was busy setting up flares. About ten yards ahead was a scene I’ll never forget. It was a gray car crashed into the cement median with a lifeless looking woman slumped over the steering wheel. I absolutely lost it at this point. I understand that the Sheriff had to control traffic, but all I could think about was this woman. I was outraged that nobody was tending to her apparent need. Everything in me wanted to stop and help, but I wasn’t sure of nursing protocol in that scenario, so I kept moving.

I was almost home when I was drawing near my local fire department. At the last second I decided to pull in to get answers regarding this crash that had obviously consumed me. I wanted to know why this woman wasn’t top priority, although, logically, I already knew the answer.

I spoke to a paramedic and was overtaken and a bit outraged by the differences in our jobs. He began to tell me a story that was comparable to what I just witnessed to help me better understand. He didn’t get too far into the story before I realized he was talking about my father-in-law, Hank. Hank had been hit head on by two cars that were drag racing. There were five kids total in two cars and Hank was alone driving home from work. All the kids survived with minor injuries. Hank, on the other hand, did not. The paramedic was first to arrive on the scene. He said he went to Hank’s car and could tell by the color of his skin that he had suffered major internal damage and would not survive. He didn’t even attempt to revive him. I still to this day cannot fathom not trying to help even when you think all hope is gone.

The irony of that day is still overwhelming to think about. Today marks 5-years that Hank’s been gone. I’m still very saddened by his loss, but so grateful for the memories that remain.


I’m Afraid He’s Right

SP_287881_HO_LANGEMy ex always told me that nobody will want a woman that’s been divorced twice and has four kids. As much as I hate to admit it, I think he’s right. Or, at least, partially right.

I know what I want in mate. Typically, these traits that I desire are only found in older men. And when it comes to older men, the last thing they want in their life is the burden of children. I can understand this. As crazy as it may sound, I don’t want to be burdened with someone else’s children. Believe me, I know how horrible that sounds!

So do I just take what I can get for the sake of not being lonely? That’s been my history. I really don’t want to repeat my history! Or, do I learn to be content with only my children by my side for the next decade?

It’s mostly adult interaction that I crave and sometimes intimacy. By intimacy, I don’t mean just sex. Rather, someone to just hold me. Through that touch I want to feel genuine love, trust, and security. I have my ups and downs as we all do, but I know I’m strong enough to wait however long it takes for the right person.

A Losing Fight


I can’t do this anymore

I am tired beyond measure

I am hurt beyond belief

I can no longer fight a losing battle

The fire I once had was scorched long ago

Who was I to think I could rise above it all?

My life is predestined–a loser I’ll always be

I’m waving the flag–now please leave me be

It’s a dog eat dog world

I was naive to think that anybody would ever really care

What I wouldn’t do for just one moment in time

To be held in the arms by someone who’d never let me down

I know that’ll never happen

My tears will continue to fall

Til I take my last breath

Misery will consume me because people always fail